If you are married to someone who has an addiction, the substance, behavior, or person your spouse is dependent on affects everyone involved—especially you. Addiction impacts not only the individual but also their family, friends, co-workers, and even casual acquaintances. The tangible problems that arise from addiction, such as health issues, emotional struggles, and financial ruin, are evident. But even more concerning is the spiritual separation that addiction can cause between your spouse and God.

Recognizing Enabling Behaviors

As the spouse of a person with an addiction, you may have become skilled at covering up the consequences of their behavior, often through enabling behaviors. You might lie to friends and family about their actions, call in sick for them, or pay their bills to avoid financial penalties. While these actions may seem like they’re helping, they’re actually contributing to a destructive cycle.

The Emotional Toll of Enabling

Enabling behaviors can leave you feeling frustrated, helpless, and resentful. You know deep down that God doesn’t want you to cover up your spouse’s sinful behavior, yet you feel trapped in a cycle of desperation and guilt. But there is hope—God has a plan to help you break free from these enabling patterns and restore peace to your marriage.

Steps to Break the Cycle of Enabling

Here are some faith-based steps to stop the cycle of enabling and begin the journey from helplessness to hopefulness:

1. Admit You Are Enabling:
   The first step is acknowledging the problem. We cannot change what we do not recognize.
2. Seek Christ-Centered Help:
   Reach out for support from a Christ-centered 12-step program, a pastor, a Christian counselor, or read faith-based books on enabling behaviors.
3. Set Healthy Biblical Boundaries:
   Learn to set boundaries for yourself and your spouse. Having a plan in place will help you respond appropriately when your spouse makes poor choices.
4. Find an Accountability Partner:
   Partner with someone who has had similar experiences, such as a pastor or a member of your church group, to help keep you on track and provide prayer support.

The Power of Change and God’s Plan

It’s natural to feel scared or uneasy about setting new boundaries, especially if you’re worried about your spouse’s reaction. However, remember that nothing will change unless you make the first move. Your spouse may experience natural consequences such as job loss, broken relationships, or even legal trouble. But these consequences are part of God’s plan to bring them back to Him. Continuing to enable their behavior may actually block God’s work in their life.

The Consequences of Continued Enabling

If you choose not to stop enabling, you risk contributing to ongoing problems, including stress-related health issues, your own potential for developing addictive behaviors, and the possible devastation of your marriage. Enabling can lead to separation, divorce, or, in the worst-case scenario, the loss of life due to addiction.

Moving from Helpless to Hopeful

This doesn’t have to be your story. By surrendering to God’s guidance and taking action, you can move from a place of helplessness to one of hopefulness. Let God help you find peace and reduce the tension in your life and home. For the first time, you can have a fulfilling, happy, and healthy marriage where both of you are getting your needs met. When you choose to live God’s way, He can transform your marriage from helpless to hopeful.